"It was fun. It felt different from usual, so it was refreshing."

Stretching both arms out with a big yawn, Mamiya, who was still sitting on the bed, spoke as though forcing herself back into her usual mood. Her honor-student mode seemed to be over, and she had returned to her relaxed, natural way of speaking. I had to admire how quickly she could switch between the two, but I couldn’t exactly praise her for it.

"…I’m pretty exhausted. I never want to do that again."

"You’re mainly talking about the second half, right? What about the first half?"

"That was tiring too……I mean, troublesome."

"Why did you correct yourself just now?"

There was no way I could tell her it was because I didn’t want to get complained at.

"Is it really that different from dealing with the real me?"

"…Would you understand if I said that you look unnecessarily honest and innocent like that, so I feel incredibly guilty for doing those kinds of things to you?"

When I somehow put that vague feeling into words, she seemed oddly satisfied and said, "So it feels like you’re tarnishing something beautiful." She probably wasn’t wrong, but I wished she would choose her words a little more carefully. The way she put it made it sound as if I had actually been defiling Mamiya.

If I wanted to express it in a more harmless way……maybe it was like writing in a brand-new notebook for the very first time. Yeah, that sounded better.

"But isn’t something like that supposed to be a pretty appealing situation for a guy? Like, a pure-looking girl only acting that way in front of him──"

"…I’ll just say it depends on the person."

"What’s that supposed to mean? Is it different for you, Akito-kun?"

"I know both sides of you, so it feels strange. In the end, you’re both Mamiya, so it feels like I can see right through whatever you’re thinking, and that makes it hard to relax."

Even if the personality she showed on the surface changed, the mental side of her remained the same. Both were aspects of the same girl, Mamiya Yu, and precisely because of that, I couldn’t stop thinking about how the things that had seemed different until now were actually two sides of the same coin. One thing I could say for certain was that having Mamiya in her honor-student mode make those kinds of requests was terrible for my heart.

Honestly, I never wanted to do it again, and I also wanted her to never make me do it again.

Even if Mamiya didn’t care in the slightest, I felt like the guilt would make it difficult for me to face her afterward.

"I had fun, though. We can’t get that close at school, right? So……I admit I got a little carried away. Including the last part."

"If you acted like that normally, people might get suspicious."

"……I wouldn’t really mind if they did."

She muttered those words quietly, almost sulkily, clearly directing them at me.

The way she kept looking up at me from beneath her eyelashes made me feel strangely restless.

I understood the feelings behind those words all too well, so I struggled to figure out how I should respond. But there was no way I could suddenly come up with some perfect answer.

At least right now──I wasn’t in a position where I could answer Mamiya’s feelings.

"More importantly, though……is this what people mean when they say they’re being lovey-dovey?"

Mamiya, who had been sitting beside me, leaned toward me. Her head rested on my shoulder, and her long hair spread out slightly in disarray. I could feel its definite weight, its warmth, and the contact through our clothes.

As if trying to close the last remaining distance between us, Mamiya placed her right hand over my left hand, which was resting on the bed, and intertwined our fingers. I knew that was what people called holding hands like lovers, but I didn’t feel like pulling away.

"Who knows? It’s not like Mamiya and I are dating or anything."

"That’s because someone keeps putting off giving me an answer."

"……Sorry."

"It’s okay. I’ll wait. I’m just laying the groundwork for when Akito-kun is finally ready to give me an answer. I’ll make you gradually become aware of me, so you won’t be able to leave me……something like that."

"Wait, Mamiya, are you secretly becoming a yandere or something?"

"I’m the type who treasures her first love."

Her slender body leaned against me so lightly that I could probably have pushed her away without even putting any strength into it.

Yet the feelings Mamiya conveyed through her words and actions were heavier than anything I had ever experienced.

"……Are we really going to be okay having a study session this afternoon like this?"

"Honestly, not really. My heart’s been pounding the whole time. Even now. Want to feel it?"

"Don’t."

"You’re embarrassed. Even though you’ve touched me so many times already."

"That’s different."

"I’ll take that as meaning you’ll always keep feeling this way about me, like it’s something new."

After receiving such an incredibly positive interpretation of my words, the two of us fell silent. The quiet room was filled only with the sound of our two breaths and the occasional creaking of the bed. It was a situation where I shouldn’t have been able to relax, yet somehow, I felt a calmness like still water.

It shouldn’t have felt this natural, and yet somehow, there was something I could only describe as a sense of fitting together.

An environment where I didn’t feel overly nervous or expect anything, where I could simply be myself. Something resembling the sense of security I felt when spending time together with my family.

"……This is nice. It makes me feel safe. I’m always alone at home. I guess I’m the type who gets lonely easily, because when someone stays beside me, I naturally let my guard down."

"Just make sure you don’t let it down too much."

"Can’t you just let me be spoiled a little? You’re the only person I can be like this with, Akito-kun."

"Think about the time, place, circumstances, and my mental state."

"Isn’t everything except the last one fine?"

Speaking in a soft, coaxing voice, Mamiya remained pressed against me.

With her this close, I couldn’t relax. My heart had been beating fast the entire time, and my hand intertwined with hers was probably getting sweaty too. Even though I wanted to move away but couldn’t──it was also true that I felt comforted by that connection, and I couldn’t help questioning myself over the contradiction.

I wondered whether my distrust of women had improved compared to before, or perhaps……and then I stopped myself, turning away from the thought because I was afraid of the answer I might find. My mental state simply hadn’t caught up.

In that sense, I hadn’t really changed at my core.

Even so, just for this moment.

"……Well, whatever."

For now, I thought I could spend the time with half of my feelings leaning toward affection and the other half toward resignation.

 

"……Sorry to bother you when you look so sleepy, but what are we doing for lunch?"

I spoke to Mamiya, who had been dozing off while leaning against my shoulder. She turned her face toward me with a soft, sleepy "Mmm……?" Her sleepy eyes were narrowed as she rubbed them, but perhaps she still hadn’t fully woken up, because the way she looked at me was hazy.

Thinking that this was proof of how much she trusted me, I felt something well up inside me. But I ignored it and shook Mamiya’s shoulder again. "Wake up."

She reluctantly covered her mouth with one hand and yawned.

"Is it already that late? Time flies when you’re having fun."

"Fun……? Didn’t we just sit next to each other, casually talking and spacing out?"

"That’s everyday happiness. Anyway, lunch, right? Can I eat here?"

"That was obviously your plan from the beginning. We’re having curry. I’m going to make it now."

"Sounds good. I’ll help too."

According to Mamiya herself, she's apparently quite skilled at cooking, so I decided to look forward to it. Normally, it wouldn’t be right to make a guest help out, but well, it was Mamiya. Besides, she was the one who had invited herself over to my place.

"Ah……but it’s kind of a shame. I could stay like this forever."

"……That would be a problem for me, so stop."

"I’d rather have Akito-kun be troubled by me, though."

"I never said I wasn’t troubled already."

In the end, we had remained pressed against each other for about an hour after taking the photos.

Her chest kept brushing against me without mercy, she smelled nice, and on top of that, she made no effort to hide how happy she was. Of course I was troubled. But when I thought about why Mamiya had gone so far as to invite herself over under the pretext of an 『at-home date』, there was no way I could simply push her away.

I gave a wry smile inwardly, thinking that I really must be weak against her persistence, then headed to the kitchen with the completely relaxed Mamiya.

"Let’s see……an apron……ah, here it is. Use this."

I handed Mamiya a black apron with a cat pattern on it.

"Cute," she said as she put it on.

Then she spun around once in place, as if showing it off.

"How is it? Does it suit me?"

"Yeah, yeah, it suits you."

"……Was that a little half-hearted?"

"You’re imagining things."

Mamiya already had naturally attractive features, so I thought there were probably very few clothes that wouldn’t suit her……but I wasn’t about to say that honestly. It would be embarrassing to tell her that to her face.

"We’re making curry, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"No, it’s just……you know. There’s such a thing as a taste of home."

"I think it’s pretty normal. Carrots, onions, potatoes, and pork──"

As I counted the ingredients off on my fingers, Mamiya stopped me with a serious expression.

Then──she let out a heavy sigh and shook her head.

"See? There are all kinds of curry. Especially……the kind of meat differs from household to household, right? I usually make it with beef."

"Ah……so that’s what you meant. By the way, are you one of those extremists who can’t eat pork curry?"

"I can eat it just fine. Actually, are there really people who can’t eat it just because the meat is different, aside from religious reasons?"

"Apparently, there are."

We continued talking as we took the ingredients out of the refrigerator and lined them up on the kitchen counter. I took a deep pot from the cupboard, filled it with water, and turned on the induction cooker. We couldn’t get started until the water boiled, at least.

"Mamiya—"

"My name."

"…………Yu-san, could you take care of the carrots and potatoes, please?"

"Leave it to me."

Mamiya rolled up her sleeves and answered, placing the carrots and potatoes on the cutting board in front of her. I placed another cutting board beside hers and prepared the onions and a package of pork.

"Ah, cutting onions right next to each other probably isn’t a good idea……"

"I know, but you’re the one who worries about things like that, Akito-kun. Why don’t we just cry together?"

"……If I cut along the grain, it’s supposed to be a little better, right?"

I had looked up ways to keep from crying while cutting onions before. Apparently, it was caused by some kind of compound in onions, and cutting them along the grain was supposed to reduce it.

Well, my eyes still ended up stinging even then.

Either way, I knew I had to cut them, so despite feeling a little bad about it, I started cutting the onions.

Beside me, Mamiya had already begun skillfully cutting the potatoes into bite-sized pieces. Potatoes were the first thing to go into the pot, after all.

"By the way, why curry?"

"Because if I make it for lunch, we can eat it again at dinner."

"That’s completely the perspective of a housewife."

"Planning a menu and cooking it isn’t easy you know.……Ah, that stings."

"Don’t rub your eyes just yet, okay? You need to wash your hands first, otherwise the stuff from the onions will get into your eyes and make them sting even more."

I stopped the hand that had almost reached up to rub my eye after she warned me. Since my eyes would sting until I finished cutting them anyway, it was probably faster to just endure it and finish. Blinking repeatedly through the irritation, I finished cutting the onions. I transferred them to a bowl I had prepared with ice water, then washed the cutting board and my hands.

"The pot’s starting to boil too. Should we put the potatoes in?"

"I already did."

Apparently, Mamiya had moved ahead of me. Her efficiency was a real help.

"……This kind of feels like we’re married."

Mamiya muttered that quietly beside me. I was so surprised that I choked, then sighed as if to say, What are you talking about?

"…………We’re not."

"Then let’s call it working together."

Despite everything that happened along the way, Mamiya and I finally finished making the curry and were able to eat lunch. It hadn’t taken any more time or effort than it would have alone, but somehow, I was unbelievably exhausted.

I served two portions onto plates and sat across from Mamiya at the living room table. After putting our hands together and saying, "Itadakimasu," we began to eat.

White rice and curry filled the spoon. I brought the fragrant, spice-filled bite that stimulated my appetite toward my mouth──

“…Yeah. This is about right.”

I felt a little relieved by the familiar taste.

If it had only been my family eating, I wouldn’t have thought much of it, but since Mamiya was eating too, there was at least a tiny part of me wondering what I would do if I had somehow messed it up. The chances of the curry the two of us made turning out badly were practically nonexistent, but still.

"I think it’s pretty tasty, though. I wonder why. Maybe it's love?"

"Don't go mixing weird things into it."

“Looks like my secret ingredient got found out.”

Mamiya said that with a cheeky tehe smile, but I didn’t pay it any mind.

If I reacted to every little thing she said, we’d never get anywhere.

“But a secret ingredient, huh? I’ve heard people sometimes put coffee or sauce in curry, but does it actually make a difference?”

“I doubt an amateur’s palate could really tell. If you wanted to make a noticeable difference, wouldn’t properly blending the curry roux from spices be more effective?”

“True. But I’m not planning to go that far.”

“I might want to try it once. But even if I bought all the spices, it’d be a waste if I only made it once, so it’s kind of difficult.”

I nodded as I continued eating.

There was no way spices would be sold in portions small enough for just one serving, so I’d have to make it several times. Also, it would probably take more time than using store-bought roux. My father seemed like the type who would be good at making something that elaborate, but unfortunately, he was busy and didn’t have the time.

“And in my case, I tend to use the same ingredients every time. It might be fun to put all kinds of things in it, but I’m scared of trying something new and ending up with a failure.”

“In your case, your family’s meals are on the line too. I change the ingredients sometimes. Corn, green peas, spinach… I often use seasonal vegetables. Curry goes with pretty much anything anyway, so I think you’ll be fine.”

“I guess you’re right. I’ll try it sometime. It’s winter now, so… what would work?”

“The first things that come to mind are cabbage, napa cabbage, daikon radish, sweet potatoes, and things like that. At that point, wouldn’t it be better to make hot pot instead?”

Just as Mamiya said, they were all ingredients you’d often find in a hot pot.

Hot pot sounded pretty good too… In winter, you naturally crave something warm. It was easy to make, and it tasted good. When I was cooking for the whole family, I couldn’t overlook how little effort it required.

“But making a hot pot… I don’t know. It feels kind of pointless to make a whole one just for myself.”

“Mamiya──Yu-san lives alone, after all. I guess that means you don’t get many chances to make hot pot.”

“Exactly. Also, are you still going to call me Yu-san? Isn’t it about time you stopped? ‘Yu-chan’ doesn’t really feel right, but neither does ‘Yu-san’. I’d feel more comfortable if you just called me Yu.”

She stared at me with a silent, intense pressure in her eyes.

The reason I called Mamiya Yu-san was because I felt a slight resistance toward calling a girl by her first name. Even I wanted to ask myself whether that made sense when she was the one who called me her friend, but there was nothing I could do about it with sheer force of will.

Still, if Mamiya herself felt that it didn’t sound right… I suppose I should give in. Compared to the things I normally did with Mamiya, simply calling her by her first name wasn’t a big deal.

At least, I wanted to believe that.

“……………………Yu.”

“Akito……kun.”

“Why did you tack on the 『kun』 like that?”

“…I thought that if Akito-kun was going to call me Yu, maybe I could try calling you by just your name too. It was just a little impulse, but──”

“Did you get embarrassed because you weren’t used to it?”

“That’s part of it, but… Akito just doesn’t feel right. I like Akito-kun better. It feels softer somehow.”

I couldn’t tell for sure, but maybe it was the same reason I hadn’t been able to call Mamiya Yu. Natsu called me Akito, though. Maybe it was because we were the same gender, but then Tatara called me Aki-kun, too.

But now that I thought about it, maybe adding 『-san』 when talking to a friend the same age really wasn’t appropriate. If so, simply calling her Yu felt the most natural. She wasn’t exactly the kind of cute girl you’d call 『-chan』, either.

“More importantly, it looks like you can call me Yu now.”

“……Yeah.”

It felt as though another one of the thin walls between Mamiya and me had been removed, and I couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed about it.

Mamiya had feelings for me in the romantic sense, but I wasn’t in a position to answer those feelings yet, so I had left my answer hanging. Surrounding the major problem of my distrust of women were countless smaller obstacles, and this was probably one of them.

I was glad that I had taken another invisible step forward, but at the same time, I could feel the moment steadily approaching, and the thought kept flickering at the edge of my mind.

When that time came, what answer would I give?

Mamiya wasn’t looking for some peaceful answer where neither of us got hurt.

There was no need for excuses or lies.

Whether I accepted her feelings or turned her down, I had to tell her how I truly felt.

“……Yu.”

“What is it?”

“Oh, nothing. I just thought that Mamiya really is Yu, you know?”

Mamiya forced me to do all sorts of unreasonable things on a daily basis, but I knew from experience that she was fundamentally a kind person.

They say a person’s name reflects who they are, though that wasn’t quite the same thing. Still, her kindness was certainly healing the wounds inside me.

“What’s that supposed to mean? Did you eat something weird?”

“I guess I ate Yu’s self-proclaimed love-filled curry.”

I said it sarcastically, making Mamiya pout in displeasure.

 

After we finished lunch and cleaned up the dishes, it was getting close to the time Natsu and Tatara would arrive.

“Yu. You know this already, but—”

“We can’t let anything slip, right? You too, Akito-kun.”

I stopped Mamiya’s finger as she tried to poke me in the side and nodded.

Mamiya and I were nothing more than friends. We weren’t lovers, but depending on who looked at us, it wouldn’t be strange for them to think otherwise, considering the kind of relationship we had.

Mamiya’s ura-aka account, in particular, had to remain a secret.

“And how we address each other.”

“…I understand, Aisaka-kun.”

Her tone changed to the one she used at school—the tone of the honor student Mamiya—but somehow, she didn’t seem entirely satisfied with it.

From her past experiences, Mamiya knew that treating someone specially could create unnecessary friction. Even with me, someone she had grown too close to for us to simply be called friends, she needed to use my family name.

At least when there were other people around.

“Oh, right. About the final exams…… why don’t we set goals for each other?”

“Goals? Why?”

“It’s easier to concentrate on studying when you have a clear goal to aim for. Of course, I think the person who works hard deserves a small reward, too.”

“Did you get hooked on the reward thing because of that game earlier?”

“Of course not.”

She denied it with a smile, but her hidden intentions were obvious.

Still…… whether or not there should be a reward was worth considering.

It might sound bad to say we needed to dangle a carrot in front of ourselves, but if it helped motivate us to study, then maybe having one wasn’t such a bad idea.

“The fact that you specifically approached me about this means you’re trying to make me do something again, doesn’t it?”

“Please don’t put it in such a bad light. All I’m doing is asking that we each get to request a 『small reward』.”

“Isn’t that basically the same thing??”

“I suppose you could see it that way.”

Don’t just admit it so honestly.

“Is that not okay?”

“……That depends on what this 『small reward』 is. If it’s something unreasonable, I’ll treat you to a meal instead, so just settle for that.”

“That’s fine with me. Besides, just having the right to claim a 『small reward』 can be effective in itself.”

“Using it as a card in a psychological battle… You really have quite the personality.”

“Thank you.”

“You know I wasn’t complimenting you, right? You’re just pretending not to understand.”

I tried to put a stop to it with a skeptical look, but all I got in return was a demure smile.

It seemed she had already put on her honor-student mask.

I sighed, partly in resignation, knowing that there was no point in saying anything to this version of Mamiya.

After that, the room was filled with a brief silence.

“The other two are coming soon, aren’t they?”

“Looks like our time alone is finally coming to an end.”

“……I don’t like the way you said that.”

“I was just joking. I think I had more fun than when I’m alone.”

“I wish you’d said that without hesitation.”

As Mamiya gave a wry smile, her body leaned toward me—and her head came to rest on my lap.

I could feel her definite weight and warmth. Her glossy black hair was slightly disheveled.

“Can I come over again?”

“……Aka-nee would be happy about it too, so…”

“You’re not very honest, are you? Even though I’m being this straightforward with you.”

She closed her eyes and whispered in a position as though she had completely entrust herself to me.

“If you go to sleep right after eating, you’ll turn into a cow.”

“That’s just an old superstition. I’m charging my batteries for this afternoon’s study session.”

“……Isn’t it normally supposed to be the other way around?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. You can touch my hair too, Akito-kun.”

“No, that’s…”

Even though I refused with my words, my eyes were drawn to Mamiya’s long hair.

Her hair, which she clearly took good care of, changed shape like silk threads across my lap. Remembering how it had felt when it brushed against my cheek, I imagined it would be pleasant to touch as well. I was curious about what it would actually feel like, but since a woman’s hair was said to be her pride and joy, I didn’t want to casually touch it.

“Gently run your fingers through my hair, and touch it softly, like you’re petting a cat.”

As she said that, she pressed her head against my stomach.

The sensation was strangely ticklish. More importantly, was it really okay for me to touch her? Since Mamiya herself had given me permission, I felt like I could at least make an excuse for myself.

Without resisting the feeling welling up inside me, I cautiously reached my hand toward Mamiya’s head.

My fingertips touched her hair. My fingers sank into it without any resistance, and although the sensation tickled slightly, I moved my hand along the flow of her hair. My fingers passed through it all the way to the ends without catching even once.

“……Is this how I’m supposed to do it?”

“Mm. Just like that.”

Judging from the relaxed tone of her voice, I figured I hadn’t gotten it wrong. I ran my fingers through her hair again and gently stroked her head as she had instructed. I did it silently and carefully, making sure never to make Mamiya uncomfortable, and surprisingly, she seemed to like it. Mamiya closed both eyes, looking completely at ease.

For a moment, I thought she really was like a cat. But considering how unusually quiet Mamiya was in this state, I felt like it couldn’t be helped. I had been nervous at first, but as time passed, I realized I was becoming calmer, and I couldn’t help letting out a wry smile.

The psychological barrier between me and the opposite sex…… or rather, between me and Mamiya—was gradually becoming thinner. Things I would absolutely never do with another girl were things I could probably do with Mamiya while thinking, “Well, I suppose it can’t be helped.”

I didn’t know whether the reason was the strange trust we had built from the physical evidence between us, or whether it was because of Mamiya’s ever-present feelings of 『love』.

Even so, couldn’t this be called progress?

Those pointless thoughts were interrupted by the sudden chime of the doorbell announcing a visitor.

“Looks like that’s the end.”

“Sadly, I guess it is.”

“Come on, get off my lap. I’ll go let the two of them in.”

Expecting her to stay there, I patted her shoulder a couple of times. Contrary to my expectations, Mamiya smoothly lifted her head from my lap. When I stood up from the sofa and headed toward the entrance, Mamiya followed behind me for some reason.

When we reached the entrance and I was about to unlock the door—

“…………I can still hope, right?”

She suddenly hugged me from behind and whispered into my ear, making me freeze completely.

The feeling of her chest pressed against my back. Mamiya’s head resting against the back of my neck. Her hands clasped together around my stomach. The way she hugged me was almost as if she were claiming me as her own, and for a fleeting moment, I wondered how I was supposed to respond.

The doorbell continued ringing all the while.

Natsu and Tatara were right on the other side of the door.

Tension, guilt, a sweet sensation that seemed to melt my brain, and a slight dizziness all hit me at once.

Amid that cocktail of emotions, I exhaled as if forcing the words out.

“………………Only when it’s just the two of us.”

When I barely managed to say that, Mamiya happily murmured, “I have your word on that,” and even without being able to see her face, I could tell how pleased she was as she released me from behind.

I wanted to complain at least a little, but for some reason, I felt awkward about facing her, so I simply unlocked the door.